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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Black widows and hiccups

I tend to think of myself as pretty fearless--for a girl, anyway. From cliff jumping to rock climbing to surfing to sky diving, I'll try it all in the name of a good time. But I do have three major fears, which I refer to as the three S's: snakes (deadly ones -- I used to play with garden snakes as a kid), sharks (all kinds, but especially great whites) and scary people (you know, the kind that end up in prison for life). There is also a fourth, lesser concern, which is coincidentally also an S: spiders -- more specifically, spiders of the poisonous variety. The others are unsanitary nuisances, and the poisonous kinds freak me out. Good thing I live in an area crawling with black widows, eh?
(See? I'm fearless! I jump off cliffs!)

Awhile back, a friend of mine found a black widow in her bathroom sink (despite having the home sprayed multiple times) and promptly killed it with a shoe. I told Matt if that had been me, I would've left the house and let the black widow have it. I was only partially kidding. My fear of deadly spiders can be traced back to my younger days, when my dad decided it would be funny to make his daughters watch Arachnophobia with him. Oh yeah, I developed arachnophobia alright. The potential situation that creeps me out the most would be having a poisonous spider in my bed -- far worse than in the bathroom sink, right?
(Or on my back porch, like this nasty creature.)

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when a bad case of the hiccups struck right at bedtime. For some unknown reason, I got the hiccups like 1200 times during a 10-day period. Matt found it hilarious. We tried everything to get rid of them -- holding my breath, drinking upside down, etc. Matt tried "scaring" me a few times but come on, a "Boo!" around the corner probably only works on a 3-year-old. So there I was, laying in bed, helpless to combat the "hics" that violently escaped my mouth every few seconds. Meanwhile, Matt was trying to contain his laughter as he drifted off to sleep.

(That was me.)

About ten minutes later, my nearly-asleep husband's body suddenly stiffened. "Ash, don't move," he whispered urgently. "I just felt something on my leg." Naturally, I did the exact opposite, flinging the covers off and jumping out of bed as fast as I could to escape the treacherous beast that was surely in my sheets.

I rushed to turn on the lights and when I did, I saw Matt standing there, smiling. "You're welcome," he laughed. There was no spider. And no more hiccups, either! That little stinker had scared them away (and they haven't been back since!).

18 comments:

  1. haha this is adorable! :) you guys seem like the cutest couple!

    my bf is the same..he will try scaring me with a BOO! and it never ever works..but your man incorporated a real fear to rid those hiccups..loove it!

    xoxox love your blog

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  2. That is so funny. I get them all the time, and I've noticed I get them when I have anxiety, or not breathing as stabily as I could. Random.

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  3. hahah i love this story. What a clever husband you have. but what a mean trick! ewwww. A spider in my bed- i think i would die. Good thing it wasn't real! haha so funny.

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  4. I just laughed out loud and my roommate looked at me funny! Oh my gosh this is SO something my husband would do! not funny but still so funny at the same time :D

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  5. Hey I recognize that cliff! tee hee I think I may have even taken that picture. great action shot. I didn't realize you had black widows there. I must admit, i hate the thought of those things too. Never had a really close encounter, but sprayed a few outside my house before.

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  6. Oh my gosh! All I can do is laugh at this post because AE would totally do the same thing.... ha ha

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  7. HAHA perfect solution! Go Matt! I actually scared one of my eighth graders today and got rid of her hiccups, but I suppose when a teacher screams and flails thier arms at you it's pretty scary.

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  8. Hahahaha! That is awesome! I share your fear of spiders. Actually, all creepy crawly bugs totally freak me out, poisonous, dangerous, or harmless. I HATE bugs and I freak out completely (flailing arms, screaming) if I think they're on me. So I totally relate! Your story made me giggle.

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  9. Omg, that is soo funny! Good thing it wasn't a real spider.

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  10. I loathe and despise spiders in any form. If my husband had done that to me I would have thanked him and then punched him on the arm. Stinker is exactly right.

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  11. That's awesome!! Matt is too cute. My brother once had the most violent case of hiccups back in the day when he worked at Applebees. His boss asked him to go get a the biggest knife he could find in the kitchen and some other random item and bring them to him. The whole way he was wondering what on earth his boss would do with the knife, and by the time it was delivered, the hiccups were gone. Distraction is key! =)

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  12. That is so hiliarious. I just laughed out loud when I read this story, probably because I would have reacted the same way! So funny!

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  13. Ohmy! I would have killed him! I hate spiders and am always convinced one is going to eat me.

    Visiting from mil-spouse round up.

    Froggy Lady
    http://frogemama.blogspot.com

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  14. Oh man, this was fun to read. Wow, I had forgotten all about hiccups. I havn't had the hiccups in like years I bet! I hate them though.Then are brutal to try and get rid of huh.!! Next time I have them, I'll call Matt to scare them away for me!!! hee hee

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    http://www.usmcconrads.blogspot.com

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  16. I miss cliff jumping. Bravo to Matt! Having shared a room with you for... something like 15 years, I can imagine what that looked like. ;)

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